Long Journey

Clutching her companions hand tightly, she walked into the room, unsure of where her feet were taking her. Her arrival was greeted by silence and curiosity. She stopped, blinked and took an uncertain look around at what was to be her ‘home’ from now on. ‘Home’- it couldn’t be her home. Home was with her father and mother. But then why was she brought here? “See that bed, over there in the corner. That’s yours and the cupboard next to it.” The little girl looked at the source of these words and immediately turned away. She was too big and scary. The little girl felt frightened by her size. “Who is she? The Matron, oh! Yes. That is what she had said.”
“Move now,” the Matron said and shoved her and the girl slowly walked towards her bed. She heard the matron leaving and turned around to five pairs of eyes staring at her. Five pairs of hostile eyes focused on a small innocent girl. They were so frightening, so unfriendly. “Welcome,” one of them said. The biggest one. Was she a girl? She looked almost like a giant, a boy.
“I guess you are Aastha. The matron was talking about you”, she continued, “now that you are here, you have to follow certain rules. You see I am the boss here, so you have to obey my orders or else...” She looked into her eyes with intimidating terror which sent a wave of terror through Aastha’s spine. She was scared of every thing in her new home and liked nothing about it. The matron, the girls and the guards, all seemed frightening. She found no friends there and wanted to go back to playing pranks with other children in her locality. She couldn’t find any companion here. Her only companion was the teddy her father had given him.
Her father--- she longed for the warmth and love of her father and mother. She could see them clearly when she closed here eyes. She remembered the day. It was her birthday. The party was over but she stayed up waiting for her father. She had stayed up till 12’o clock in the night waiting for him. He father was very late but he gave her the best birthday gift, a teddy. It became her favorite the moment she set her eyes on it. The next morning, as usual he dropped her to school. In the afternoon her teacher told her that her mother would not be coming to pick her up. She had seen many teachers talking something seriously while looking towards her. Her mother didn’t come and then her class teacher took her to her own home. “When will my Mummy come?” She asked her teacher with tears in her eyes.
“They have gone on a long journey dear. Now eat your food and go to sleep.”
“A long journey.” She couldn’t understand anything. “But what did it mean? Had they gone to visit someone? Perhaps, they had gone on a holiday without taking her along. How dare, they? I won’t talk to them when they come back.”
Aastha had decided.
She waited for them two whole weeks standing before a window during her stay in the teacher’s house. They didn’t come. She was still waiting for them at her new home.
No, not home. Home was where her father and mom were.


“The supper bell went off 5 min ago, now move if you want any supper.” The matron had reappeared. The big girl was also in the midst of saying something but she stopped, turned and moved out of the room. Aastha looked at her blankly and then slowly followed her to supper clutching the teddy tightly.
Time passed slowly at her new boarding. Yes, that is what it was. Not home.
It was only a week since she had come here but it felt like years. Father and mother were not yet back. She missed them; especially her father. She felt like crying all the time. Her room mates teased her. They had torn all her books and the pretty dress that her father had brought for her. She was very upset but she didn’t cry. She knew her daddy will buy her another one. “I miss you Dad!” She sighed tightening her grip on the teddy and felt tears brimming in her eyes. She wiped them away instantly. Her Dad always told her that brave children do not cry. “I will be brave,” she said to the teddy. She wanted her dad to know how brave she had been in his absence. He would be so proud of her. She could see him smiling at her; a little smile touched her lips.


Weeks passed but her father and mother had not come back yet. She felt helpless. “Where is Dad? Where are they? I miss you Dad. I miss you Mom. Please come back soon. I don’t like it here. Everyone is so bad, no one loves me. Please Dad, come back soon. I promise I’ll be a good child; I won’t disturb you and mummy ever again. Please Dad, I miss you very much.” She said to her teddy, searching for comfort in its lifeless form and fighting back tears. Suddenly, loud, rude laughter reached her ears. She turned around and saw the big girl along with her friends. “Look at her, talking to her teddy,” the big girl said. “Grow up girl; your dad won’t be back. Nobody comes back here.”
“No! He will be back,” the little girl shouted, staring at the other girl and teeming with anger. Her declaration was followed by a silence which was broken by the almost inaudible words of the big girl. “No body shouts at me. You will be punished.”
Aastha stood staring at her and felt the teddy bear being snatched from her grip.
“No! Give him back to me. He’s mine.” The poor child shouted but to no avail. The big girl and her friends tossed it around, pulled it, rolled it in mud until it resembled a piece of rag, then threw it away and went off to their room. “That’ll teach her a lesson” one of them said. Aastha looked around at what remained of her most faithful friend, her sole companion. Slowly, she gathered its pieces in her lap and felt a tear brushing her cheeks. This time she couldn’t stop herself. The pain, the sorrow enclosed in her heart for so long came gushing out and she wept. She wept alone and inconsolably. Only thoughts that came to her mind was why do people go for long journeys”
Out side little drops of rain were clearing the dust from the sign board at the entrance of the building and the sharp light from the passing car revealed the word orphanage.

The therapeutic tag !

Here it is.......after some bugging from Swati and quite a lot of deliberation here's my post to the tag.
A post after a long time......

10 things i miss in my life right now :

1. I miss being carefree and innocent
2. I miss being told what to do….making decisions is a job I’d rather leave to others.
3. I miss getting my way every time by throwing a tantrum or sulking.
4. I miss not being able to sit in my parents lap anymore
5. And I miss those years when my younger sis could sit in mine….I can sit in hers now!!!
6. I miss not being able to play or roam in the afternoon sun….
7. I miss making up excuses for not completing my homework….(my sis ate it is something I’ve actually used… in clas6th I think)
8. I miss running to my grandfather for comfort when anyone (i.e. mom and dad) scolded me.
9. I miss not having to worry about how I looked (as long as I was wearing some clothes, what they were didn’t matter.)
10.I miss getting chocolates from anyone who visited…(actually I still get that, but not as much as before)
In short, I miss my childhood

10 things i want to achieve within a decade :

1. I want to finish my studies and get a job!!!...the prospects are not very bright though….
2. I want to learn to swim.
3. and with my newfound skill, I’d like to pay a visit to the Great Barrier Reef
4. And another one to Antarctica…
5. would like to meet Dalai Lama
6. and would love to slap Himmesh Reshamiya (or however he spells it…the most irriating person to hit our TV screens)
7. I’d like to overcome my fear of lizards, spiders, cockroaches, mice…..the list is long.
8. I want to own lots and lots and lots of diamonds….
9. I want to go bungee jumping and parasailing and white water rafting.
10. and I want to be able to stay awake past 11 p.m.

A series of unfortunate events

I woke up and moved my eyes towards the table where I had placed the alarm clock last night. It showed 8 a.m. I yawned and pondered whether I could catch a few more winks and then it hit me…8 A.M.! I was late! What happened to the alarm I had set for 6’o clock? Had I slept through it? Oh no…that wasn’t a good enough excuse. Not even for me let alone my boss. I decided on ‘the alarm failed to go off’. At least it satisfied me, whether it was good enough for the boss was still not clear. “Stupid clock” I murmured and rushed to the bathroom. I was in deep trouble-I had to reach office by 10’ o clock and right now it seemed impossible.
“All right calm down” I told myself and began an astonishing feat of multi tasking. I brushed, while taking a shower and forgot to spit out the foam and it choked me to death…. How I wish that would have happened. At least I would have been saved the trouble of facing my boss. Well I got out of the bathroom alive, in five minutes (That had to be a record) and rushed to my cupboard. “Now what should I wear” was the thought on my mind as I sorted through the pile of clothes in the cupboard…. “The black Lycra jeans would look very well but it could be a tad too informal, this is a very important client I am supposed to me. So should I go for a suit or would that be too obnoxious. Perhaps a skirt and a jacket but then there is the dilemma of choosing the right length. The first impression is always crucial. Don’t want to turn up in a mini with the word loose character stamped all over it but don’t want to look like my grandma either in an ankle length one, perhaps the jeans would have been better…….” And then it hit me, I was late! All thoughts of the proper dress left my mind as I groped around and picked up the first thing that came into my grasp. It was a jean. No, that would be very informal, so I dropped it and grabbed a skirt. The next few minutes passed in a blur as I applied my mascara, the kohl, the liner, the lipstick, the powder and the perfume. Thankfully I located the right pair of shoes immediately, got in them, rushed towards the door, broke a heel and slipped. Ouch!!! That hurts…..a lot. I could see stars and I could see my boss so I got up and massaged my back while I looked around for another pair of shoes. Took me a good five minutes of rummaging and another five of cursing everyone from the darned shoe to the broken heel, from god to my boss before I finally located a pair. A glance at the clock showed 8.37 and that was enough to set my adrenal soaring. I slammed the front door and rushed down the stairs. It was only when I reached the street that I realized that I had forgotten my keys in the house. ‘Great’, so I had locked myself out of the house. Well no time to worry about the spilled milk or rather forgotten keys. That can be handled when I get back home. Right now its mission “On Time”. And by the way the milk reminded me that I hadn’t had any breakfast and suddenly I felt famished. I wondered if there was time to grab a quick bite before I left, there still was more than an hour left and beside I deserved one for the amazing 5 minute feat in the bath. After all everyone keeps saying that a breakfast is the most important meal of the way. But this plan was put to rest by the arrival of a ‘be there on time’ threatening message from my boss and the recollection that I was locked outside my house.
So with a broken heart and a grumbling stomach I walked towards the taxi stand when something amazing happened. A cute guy passed me and actually gave me a second glance….well more like a second stare and a huge grin. Wow, that took care of the broken heart. I felt elated, at least something is going right today. Taxi! I shouted, on spotting one. It didn’t stop. Another one, I flagged it, but it too passed me without stopping. The rest of them already had passengers so I waited for a free one.
9 o’clock and I am still waiting for a taxi. Yes it had to happen on the day I was late. Meanwhile I saw a lot of smiling faces. Weird. Is it only me who’s having a terrible morning or is this god’s way of boosting my morale on a bad day? I’d rather have a taxi. And then I spotted one that was free. I waved at it like a maniac and started running, stopping only when I had gotten into it. ‘The meter’s not working’ said the driver. “Never mind that”, I snapped back.” I’ll pay you the usual, just move”. I sat back and relaxed for the first time in the entire morning. Still had an hour, I thought. Looked like I wouldn’t require the alarm excuse. Thank god! I gazed out of the window and my mind wandered back to the jean. Maybe it would have been fine…hmmm. I was still thinking about the jean when the taxi screeched to a halt. And lo behold, in front of my eyes was a traffic jam. Shit! I could feel the tension creeping back in. This one was enormous. It was huge and gigantic and monstrous and I was stuck. “Is there any way out of this?” I asked hopefully. The driver shook his head vigorously and I wished that it would fall of his head. That would have been a pretty good reason for turning up late. “You will have to walk”. So I got down and started moving. “That’ll be Rs. 100.” 100 bucks! But we moved just two blocks! What were the 100 bucks for, there wasn’t even ac in the taxi. “I’m not paying you 100 bucks” I shouted. “You’ll have to” he shouted back and got off the taxi and we started bickering. “Pay me”, “I wont”, “you’ll have to”, “says who”, “wont let you go”, “will you kidnap me?”, “pay me madam”, “100 is too much”, “is not”, “it is”. Soon a crowd gathered around us to enjoy the show. Well I would have enjoyed it very much too if I had the time to spare but I was late so I said “I’ll pay you only 50. Take it or leave it” and I opened my purse amidst the no’s of the driver and searched for a note. All I had were 100’s and 500’s. Great. So somewhat sheepishly I took out a 100 rupee note and handed it to the driver. He pocketed it without batting an eyelid and went back behind the wheels of the taxi. I stood there waiting for him to return the change, feeling dumber by the minute. “Err….bhaiyya, my change?” I mumbled. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, the nerve of the guy. Too hell with him, I thought and moved forward. I barely managed a few steps before the traffic cleared. With some relief and slight apprehension I turned back towards my taxi when it zoomed past me. “Hey stop, you moron” I shouted and ran after it. It stopped. Thank heavens. I started saying a small prayer of thanks to god when I spotted another person getting into it. Need I say that the prayer was never completed? Hysterically I searched here and there for another taxi. After much searching and cursing I found one. Except that it was not free. An old couple was getting into it. At that moment the demon possessed me. I rushed towards it, pushed the couple aside and got in the taxi. “Hey, they flagged me down”, the taxi driver said pointing to the couple. “And I’ll pay you double the usual fare” I retorted as I gave him the address. This had the desired effect and the taxi sped off leaving behind the two dazed people. 9:35, 9:40, 9:45, 9:50 the clocked ticked by and finally at 9:54 the taxi came to a halt outside my office. I rushed out and threw a 500 note at the driver and sprinted towards the office. I ran past the receptionist but not fast enough to avoid a remark. “You’re late, the boss is waiting”. I hate her! “I know”, I snapped back and turned to face her and she was smiling. Immediately I felt a little guilty. Maybe she was just trying to help. Maybe I was wrong in hating her so much all this time. I managed a smile and ran up the stairs to the conference room. I entered it just as the clock struck 10 and saw my boss’s expression changing from fury to relief to fury again. “Good morning gentlemen” I said and tried to regain my composure as an assistant took my laptop and started setting up the slide show. With a smile on my face I walked to the other end of the room, turned to the board and started my presentation.
I finished after 45 minutes and turned to face the clients. They were all smiling. Even my boss! Guess I pulled off a coup. After a few minutes of discussions and queries I left the room and headed towards my cubicle. My best friend was waiting there for me. “How was it?” she asked. “It was good. Everyone was happy. Even the boos looked pleased. Looks like I might just get the promotion.” I replied feeling pretty pleased. I moved towards the coffee machine to get a cup when I heard a gasp. “What?” I asked my friend. “Your skirt!” she replied back. “What about my skirt?” “A seam has burst.” I looked at her in shock and rushed to the bathroom. Facing the mirror I slowly turned, dreading what I’ll see and sure enough there was a burst seam. I could even see my….. Immediately my senses got clouded. When did that happen? Probably when I slipped. I felt like a complete idiot, and then I felt embarrassed. So that’s why all those people were smiling. No, actually laughing. Why did it have to be me? Why couldn’t it have been the receptionist? I felt totally broken and humiliated. I broke down and cried. Maybe the jean would have been the right choice after all.

Crossroad


A path towards left,
A path towards right
I stand at a crossroad
And I try to decide.
I know not
what lies at the end
And the path I choose
will decide my fate.
I ponder, I think and I try to find,
what path it is that’ll lead to my aim,
money and riches,
splendor and fame.
This and that both seem alike,
perhaps they’ll both lead me right.
But will I reach where I belong?
Will I get what I want?
I start on one
and then change my mind,
go back to where I started from
think and ponder and start one more time.
Then I stop, reflect and analyze,
what is it that I want from life?
Money, fame is that all?
Is that what my life is meant for?
And then my mind clears
and I can decide
I choose to go straight
and I know that I am right.

Twist of fate

A sudden hush fell over the room as she walked in. It was filled with people- neighbours, friends, family- people she hadn’t seen in years. Why were they bothered now? Why couldn’t they all leave her alone- she wanted to be alone. She wanted to think. How could her life change so much in just a day. Everything was so perfect just twenty four hours ago. Happily married with a husband who loved her very much she never thought it could happen to her, but then fate struck. And now she was all alone in room full of strangers. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am about Manav, he was such a nice man” said someone. She looked up- it was the neighbour next door. “Fate can be so cruel” someone else spoke up. “Things like these make you wonder whether god really exists” another voice from across the room. She didn’t want them here…..they were making things worse for her. She just wanted to be alone, alone with manav….the man she loved, the man she would never see again.
Their marriage had caused quite a scandal in her family. She was from a Brahmin family and he was not, so naturally her parents opposed. They tried all they could- stopped her studies, tried to marry her off to someone else, sent Manav to jail, but in the end love prevailed. She eloped, and married her love. Her parents said this marriage was doomed, pronounced her a disgrace to the family name and cut off all ties with her. It didn’t matter- she had Manav and she needed no one else. They moved into a small flat and started their new life.

The cremation was over. But the people still kept pouring in. Everyone seemed to lament the loss of a great friend, but there was no pain in their eyes, only pity. Pity for a young widow. Even her parents were there. They had finally forgiven her. Perhaps they hoped they could now get her married to a suitable boy and undo the damage she had done to the family honour. She couldn’t care less, she hadn’t forgiven them for not being there when she needed them, when Manav needed them.
Manav had no family, no one to turn to during hard times and he needed someone. They were in deep financial troubles. He had no job and they had run up huge debts. She had no choice- she had to ask her father for money. He refused pointblank. Didn’t even acknowledge her. She pleaded, begged for help but he refused. That day her pride was bruised .She left and never looked back. And then fate smiled on them. Manav found a job and they started afresh.

People were leaving. They paid their last respect in front of a large photograph of Manav and with bowed heads left the house. They had performed their duties and now they could go back to their own lives. Her mother was walking towards her. She did not want to face her right now. She got up from where she was sitting and headed towards the terrace. From here she could see the garden and the street. She often waited here for Manav to arrive back home from work. She would rush down to greet him as soon as she saw his car round the street. She loved the smile he gave her when he saw her rushing out of the house to meet him. And then they used to sit for hours in the garden and talk about all mundane things, not listening really, but just enjoying each others company. Manav had done really well in the new job. They had everything they could have asked for; a nice home, a car, and all the luxuries they wanted. Everything was perfect except for one dark spot. They had no children.

The news came as a shock when her doctor first broke it to her “Sneha, you can never become a mother.” It was tough for both of them. She had always envisaged a life with her husband and children and this one line had shattered her dream, but she took it in her stride. It took time but she finally accepted it, after all she still had Manav. But he was broken by this news. An orphan, he had no blood relations. For him having children was more than being a father, it was having a sense of belonging, of sharing an identity. And almost overnight he changed. From the carefree, jovial person he was into a short tempered, rude man. With no other source to vent out his frustration, she often had to bear the brunt of his anger. It hurt a lot when he shouted at her or fought with her, but she tried to be understanding. She knew how important having a child was for him and she silently bore all his fury. And then one day he hit her.

“What are you going to here all alone?” it was her mother. “You have no job, no children, nothing. What is the point of staying here? Listen to me and come back with us to your home.” Her parents had been trying to convince her to move back with them ever since they had arrived. Not a word of condolence or strength, just arguments. They still didn’t understand. She would not come back, she could not. How could she leave the house that held so many memories of Manav. She did not reply to her mother’s question, just gazed in the direction of the lobby where a picture of Manav was placed adorned with flowers….the only thing that was left of him in the house except for the memories. She would have to change the flowers, the roses were drying up.

Roses…..her favourite flowers. He used to bring a bouquet of roses for her every Saturday. He had finally accepted the truth as gods will and had reverted back to his old self. Perhaps he felt a little guilty for his behavior because he showered her with gifts, flowers and attention. He also started working late. Perhaps he thought that work would take off his mind from his pain. She never complained. For her the only thing that mattered was his happiness and besides she had got back her old Manav.

Her parents were leaving. Her mother was still begging her to come with them but she couldn’t be persuaded. They left empty handed. She finally had the house to herself. She could now sit in peace and quiet and plan for her future. She had to move on, she knew it and yet it was very hard to imagine a life without him. She revisited their last moments together again and again. She could still see his body, with his head smashed, lying in a pool of blood. The thought nauseated her. Manav was dead. She could not change this fact. And yet she knew that things could have been different. He needn’t have died such a painful and violent death. It was the least she could have done for him after all these years. Perhaps poison would have been better.

I Dream…

I dream a dream,

I dream of life.

A life with hope,

a hope for joys.

The joys of freedom,

the freedom to dream.

I dream a dream,

I dream of life.

I make a wish,

a wish for peace.

Peace in the world,

a world filled with smiles.

Smiles on all faces,

faces without tears.

And with tears in my eyes,

I make a wish,

to dream a dream,

And I dream of life.

And I walk…
It’s a long journey,
not all straight,
And I walk, without any aim.
What lies at the end,
I do not know,
what matters right now, is the path I take.
I find strangers,
walking the same road,
But they are not with me, I am all alone.
And I walk,
till I reach where I belong,
may take days, but I’ll reach I’m sure.
A journey it is,
A journey I undertake,
And I walk, without any aim.

Footprints on time.
There comes a time in your life
When you look into your past
And see the footprints you left behind.
Those are the moments when
You cherish the memories
Of time long gone by.
Of occasions that made you laugh,
And instances that made you cry.
These are the memories
Stored in the footprints you have left behind.
And you remember,
How a little smile lit up many lives,
And how you shared a life.
Its then that you realize,
you too are important for some one,
you have played a part in someone’s life.
However small these might appear,
These too are significant,
Your footprints on the sands of time.