A series of unfortunate events

I woke up and moved my eyes towards the table where I had placed the alarm clock last night. It showed 8 a.m. I yawned and pondered whether I could catch a few more winks and then it hit me…8 A.M.! I was late! What happened to the alarm I had set for 6’o clock? Had I slept through it? Oh no…that wasn’t a good enough excuse. Not even for me let alone my boss. I decided on ‘the alarm failed to go off’. At least it satisfied me, whether it was good enough for the boss was still not clear. “Stupid clock” I murmured and rushed to the bathroom. I was in deep trouble-I had to reach office by 10’ o clock and right now it seemed impossible.
“All right calm down” I told myself and began an astonishing feat of multi tasking. I brushed, while taking a shower and forgot to spit out the foam and it choked me to death…. How I wish that would have happened. At least I would have been saved the trouble of facing my boss. Well I got out of the bathroom alive, in five minutes (That had to be a record) and rushed to my cupboard. “Now what should I wear” was the thought on my mind as I sorted through the pile of clothes in the cupboard…. “The black Lycra jeans would look very well but it could be a tad too informal, this is a very important client I am supposed to me. So should I go for a suit or would that be too obnoxious. Perhaps a skirt and a jacket but then there is the dilemma of choosing the right length. The first impression is always crucial. Don’t want to turn up in a mini with the word loose character stamped all over it but don’t want to look like my grandma either in an ankle length one, perhaps the jeans would have been better…….” And then it hit me, I was late! All thoughts of the proper dress left my mind as I groped around and picked up the first thing that came into my grasp. It was a jean. No, that would be very informal, so I dropped it and grabbed a skirt. The next few minutes passed in a blur as I applied my mascara, the kohl, the liner, the lipstick, the powder and the perfume. Thankfully I located the right pair of shoes immediately, got in them, rushed towards the door, broke a heel and slipped. Ouch!!! That hurts…..a lot. I could see stars and I could see my boss so I got up and massaged my back while I looked around for another pair of shoes. Took me a good five minutes of rummaging and another five of cursing everyone from the darned shoe to the broken heel, from god to my boss before I finally located a pair. A glance at the clock showed 8.37 and that was enough to set my adrenal soaring. I slammed the front door and rushed down the stairs. It was only when I reached the street that I realized that I had forgotten my keys in the house. ‘Great’, so I had locked myself out of the house. Well no time to worry about the spilled milk or rather forgotten keys. That can be handled when I get back home. Right now its mission “On Time”. And by the way the milk reminded me that I hadn’t had any breakfast and suddenly I felt famished. I wondered if there was time to grab a quick bite before I left, there still was more than an hour left and beside I deserved one for the amazing 5 minute feat in the bath. After all everyone keeps saying that a breakfast is the most important meal of the way. But this plan was put to rest by the arrival of a ‘be there on time’ threatening message from my boss and the recollection that I was locked outside my house.
So with a broken heart and a grumbling stomach I walked towards the taxi stand when something amazing happened. A cute guy passed me and actually gave me a second glance….well more like a second stare and a huge grin. Wow, that took care of the broken heart. I felt elated, at least something is going right today. Taxi! I shouted, on spotting one. It didn’t stop. Another one, I flagged it, but it too passed me without stopping. The rest of them already had passengers so I waited for a free one.
9 o’clock and I am still waiting for a taxi. Yes it had to happen on the day I was late. Meanwhile I saw a lot of smiling faces. Weird. Is it only me who’s having a terrible morning or is this god’s way of boosting my morale on a bad day? I’d rather have a taxi. And then I spotted one that was free. I waved at it like a maniac and started running, stopping only when I had gotten into it. ‘The meter’s not working’ said the driver. “Never mind that”, I snapped back.” I’ll pay you the usual, just move”. I sat back and relaxed for the first time in the entire morning. Still had an hour, I thought. Looked like I wouldn’t require the alarm excuse. Thank god! I gazed out of the window and my mind wandered back to the jean. Maybe it would have been fine…hmmm. I was still thinking about the jean when the taxi screeched to a halt. And lo behold, in front of my eyes was a traffic jam. Shit! I could feel the tension creeping back in. This one was enormous. It was huge and gigantic and monstrous and I was stuck. “Is there any way out of this?” I asked hopefully. The driver shook his head vigorously and I wished that it would fall of his head. That would have been a pretty good reason for turning up late. “You will have to walk”. So I got down and started moving. “That’ll be Rs. 100.” 100 bucks! But we moved just two blocks! What were the 100 bucks for, there wasn’t even ac in the taxi. “I’m not paying you 100 bucks” I shouted. “You’ll have to” he shouted back and got off the taxi and we started bickering. “Pay me”, “I wont”, “you’ll have to”, “says who”, “wont let you go”, “will you kidnap me?”, “pay me madam”, “100 is too much”, “is not”, “it is”. Soon a crowd gathered around us to enjoy the show. Well I would have enjoyed it very much too if I had the time to spare but I was late so I said “I’ll pay you only 50. Take it or leave it” and I opened my purse amidst the no’s of the driver and searched for a note. All I had were 100’s and 500’s. Great. So somewhat sheepishly I took out a 100 rupee note and handed it to the driver. He pocketed it without batting an eyelid and went back behind the wheels of the taxi. I stood there waiting for him to return the change, feeling dumber by the minute. “Err….bhaiyya, my change?” I mumbled. He didn’t even acknowledge my presence, the nerve of the guy. Too hell with him, I thought and moved forward. I barely managed a few steps before the traffic cleared. With some relief and slight apprehension I turned back towards my taxi when it zoomed past me. “Hey stop, you moron” I shouted and ran after it. It stopped. Thank heavens. I started saying a small prayer of thanks to god when I spotted another person getting into it. Need I say that the prayer was never completed? Hysterically I searched here and there for another taxi. After much searching and cursing I found one. Except that it was not free. An old couple was getting into it. At that moment the demon possessed me. I rushed towards it, pushed the couple aside and got in the taxi. “Hey, they flagged me down”, the taxi driver said pointing to the couple. “And I’ll pay you double the usual fare” I retorted as I gave him the address. This had the desired effect and the taxi sped off leaving behind the two dazed people. 9:35, 9:40, 9:45, 9:50 the clocked ticked by and finally at 9:54 the taxi came to a halt outside my office. I rushed out and threw a 500 note at the driver and sprinted towards the office. I ran past the receptionist but not fast enough to avoid a remark. “You’re late, the boss is waiting”. I hate her! “I know”, I snapped back and turned to face her and she was smiling. Immediately I felt a little guilty. Maybe she was just trying to help. Maybe I was wrong in hating her so much all this time. I managed a smile and ran up the stairs to the conference room. I entered it just as the clock struck 10 and saw my boss’s expression changing from fury to relief to fury again. “Good morning gentlemen” I said and tried to regain my composure as an assistant took my laptop and started setting up the slide show. With a smile on my face I walked to the other end of the room, turned to the board and started my presentation.
I finished after 45 minutes and turned to face the clients. They were all smiling. Even my boss! Guess I pulled off a coup. After a few minutes of discussions and queries I left the room and headed towards my cubicle. My best friend was waiting there for me. “How was it?” she asked. “It was good. Everyone was happy. Even the boos looked pleased. Looks like I might just get the promotion.” I replied feeling pretty pleased. I moved towards the coffee machine to get a cup when I heard a gasp. “What?” I asked my friend. “Your skirt!” she replied back. “What about my skirt?” “A seam has burst.” I looked at her in shock and rushed to the bathroom. Facing the mirror I slowly turned, dreading what I’ll see and sure enough there was a burst seam. I could even see my….. Immediately my senses got clouded. When did that happen? Probably when I slipped. I felt like a complete idiot, and then I felt embarrassed. So that’s why all those people were smiling. No, actually laughing. Why did it have to be me? Why couldn’t it have been the receptionist? I felt totally broken and humiliated. I broke down and cried. Maybe the jean would have been the right choice after all.